|Categories are in bold. Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category.|
|648 jokes and counting|
• Animal (44) (R)
• Light Bulb (4) (R)
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade...at any time of the year.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.
- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a pretty nurse cleans his wounds.
- When paying for a taxi, never look at your money. Just pull out a bill or two and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath even if it’s the middle of the afternoon.
- All single women have a cat.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.
- No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
- If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
- Revolvers will fire at least ten or fifteen times without reloading.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps and join in with you.