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Categories are in bold. Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category.
650 jokes and counting

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  • Every time you see a mole, you yell "No, please don't hurt me! I'll save next time! I promise!"
  • When you throw leaves on the floor, trying to create a flatscreen HD 54 inch plasma TV.
  • When you shake trees looking for money, and then chop them down using the axe you always keep in your back pocket.
  • When you hope to make $150,000 by selling apples to a raccoon.
  • When you beat the giraffe at the zoo, asking it for a fashion check.
  • When you ask Walmart's cashier what the turnip prices are for the day.
  • When you envision your crush as Rosie the cat.
  • When you eat a coconut, shell and all.
  • When you think the only kinds of people in the world are peppy, snooty, lazy, cranky, normal, and jock.
  • When you think that the tree you just planted will mature in four days.
  • When you get bit by a scorpion and expect to faint and wake up in your house.
  • When 15 king beds will fit in your pocket, but 16 ants will not.
  • When you say a pun whenever you catch a fish.
  • When you hit a tiger in the head with a shovel, and expect it to yell at you.
  • When you expect to catch fish with just a hook.
  • When you give up on fishing for the day if you don't see shadows in the water.
  • When you beat your dog with a guitar asking him to play "K.K. Rider"
  • When you start hearing cheesy music as soon as you walk out of your house.
  • When you start digging crazily whenever you hear a weird chirping sound during winter.
  • When you expect the 10 foot shark you just caught to fit in your pocket.
  • When you give a million bucks to a pelican, expecting it to build you a windmill.
  • When you ask the store employees why they're not following you.
  • When you go to Starbucks, and ask for pigeon milk.
  • When you gorge yourself with pears half the size of your head in under two seconds.
  • When you think your mayor looks like a turtle.
  • When you see shooting stars, and expect a seagull to land on the beach and give you a rare artifact the next day.
  • When you expect to find a T-Rex's skull or mammoth's tusk by making a small hole in the ground.
  • When you think that a drug dealing fox will sell you the real Mona Lisa.
  • When you are surprised to see that somebody's house has more than one room.
  • When you think that stepping on a roach, will make his soul float through the air.
  • When you expect to see random balloons with presents tied to them just floating around the sky.
  • When you do a flip to get your clothes on.
  • When you catch a 70,000,000 year old fish, thought to be extinct, in the bay outside your house, and expect to sell it for some quick cash.
  • When you can't express emotions unless a salamander teaches you how, and even so, you can only have 4.
  • When you shake trees expecting money or furniture to come out.
  • When you go to the museum, look at the T-Rex fossil, and say "I have one of those at my museum."